Day Twenty Three - Seaweed Again

This has been one of the more difficult days for me emotionally. I have found it hard to focus (though I did get some work done) and hard to manage the many emotions that I juggle every day. I'm not talking about my emotions. I'm talking about keeping the peace among the many family members that seem to be overflowing with emotions every day. I find that I am constantly trying to "keep the peace" and make everyone happy for the day. While this might serve to help everyone manage their day and often is necessary in our current living arrangements, I find that serves me no personal satisfaction whatsoever and only serves to increase my anxiety level.

That said, I find that the evenings are what I look forward to the very most. And yet, there doesn't seem to be much peace there any longer. By the time I finally get to drop dead at night, I don't feel accomplished. In fact, I find that I am in the same situation as I was the day before, but more frustrated because I know it. This is not to say I don't make headway with finding writing gigs and getting the job done. It just means I find very little pleasure in my daily tasks and often forget why I started to write in the first place.

On an up note, although I have not used a scale, I find that I have lost some weight and am more comfortable with my physical feeling. This should be huge for me and is feeling better, however, I still feel like I have lost myself among the mess of life and the chaos and wonder if I will ever find the surface again. There seems to be little time in my day among the many needs of others for me to make much stride toward the surface, like I get caught up in the seaweed along the way every time.

The look in my son's eyes when he watches a movie or plays with the dog is something I can't get past and it is why I.. do it all again, every day. While my 14 year old daughter is giving me a run for my money and is nothing like the child I knew a few years ago, she too is reason enough for me to attempt to move forward every day, even knowing I'm not making much stride forward.

So, hereon day number twenty three of my Goal Challenge, I feel... less than satisfied and exhausted. Tomorrow brings with it a new set of challenges and maybe, if I am lucky, a new set of options. I'll sleep, if I can, and wait for a new day and a new chance to "make change."

Day Eighteen - Big Plans

Day Eighteen was long and taxing with not as much productivity as I would have liked. Along with dealing with a few unavoidable appointments tomorrow, there are several things I will be accomplishing from the day.

1.  Earn at least $100 for the day.
2.  Write the text for my children's book.
3.  Start a sketch that includes all of the characters for the book.
4.  Update my comprehensive list of writing hubs and their related information.
5.  Update profiles on the many writing hubs that I am already affiliated with.
6.  Compile a list of potential writing hubs I want to sign on with or investigate.
7.  Create a list of all print opportunities and magazines I would like to send samples to.

These are all of the work related goals I have for tomorrow. There are some other goals relating to learning patience with my children and organizing my weeks a little better.

All in all, there is a great deal to do and not much day to accomplish it in. I guess I better get some sleep.  

Day Fifteen - Acceptance

So, today started out the same as usual, me wanting to accomplish a large list of things to move forward and make money. But it also started with a throbbing pain in my hand that threatened to make it hard to make my milestones. So what did I do, showered of course. Clearing the cobwebs was essential. The things I accomplished today began by taking on a writing assignment that was a mental roadblock for me. One of those things that you just simply can't move past. Well, I moved past it. Yay for me!

The next thing that I tackled was the mess that surrounds me everyday and derails my focus. I sit at a dining room table and have to relocate everything at dinner time every night and replace it all in the morning. while this is acceptable it can also be a little daunting. So, I cleared out things that didn't need to be here to simplify my world just a little.

I then tackled trying to get my couponing binder in some kind of order, if only to remove all of the dead material, print new dividers and an index and start to print some coupons I will be needing next week. Unfortunately, the new printer I finally gave in and bought a few weeks ago (I love it) ran out of ink. Another moment when I realized how badly I procrastinate. I knew it only came with a small ink cartridge to encourage people to buy more, and intended to do just that getting the extra long yielding cartridges. Did I? No, no I did not. So now I am faced with no ink and having a teenager that needs to catch up on homework over the weekend for which she needs the printer!

So, what I have learned from today is that I have to take the small successes and try to improve on where I fall down. Running out of ink wasn't where I fell. Purchasing the ink when I could afford it and fully intended to was where I fell down.

Though the day is not complete, I am about to tackle dinner and am looking forward to enjoying a meal with the kids. I think I'll let someone else make the extra trip to the kitchen tonight.

Day Fourteen - Small Blessings

Well, here I am on Day Fourteen and I am a little disappointed with my standing as of today. This was a day that started of slowly with achy joints and muscles and a headache. A slow start physically meant a slow start mentally. It also meant getting very little real work done for the day. I did manage to fit in some errands and getting groceries. Even that wasn't as satisfying as it should have been because I did very little couponing. 

By dinner time I had run out of day, but still had plenty of items on my intended task list to complete. Arguing with my teenage daughter and trying to get my suddenly rebellious five year old boy to "chill out" where challenges that all met with my losing. The final straw of my day was when I was running around trying to do five hundred things as usual and tripped slamming my hand into a hard door jam. My first instinct from the pain I was feeling and from the feeling that it just was all wrong, was to run for ice and remove my ring on that hand before it got stuck there. I refused to even look at the hand because I was terrified that I would find it a total mess. Instead I threw a frozen bag of chopped green pepper on it and looked away. Tears came, part from pain and part from the panic that if it was broken I would find myself in a huge mess being unable to write or bring in an income. 

After some time I finally looked. Swollen, some shade of blue and a little odd. Painful to bend, but pretty sure not broken. Most importantly, though painful, I can move it to type. Small blessings. 

So, in closing for the day, I'm exhausted and feeling a little beat up by the day. However, I am ready to take on tomorrow. Until then, I hope anyone reading has a great night. 

Checking the Task List

As my friend pointed out, I'm six days late writing my blog posts. I am inexcusably easily distracted and that is something I need to work on. So, to anyone that is reading, I apologize for falling down on the job and not getting the posting done.

I have new things to report today that are a big step forward in getting where I need to go. I accomplished a couple of things in the last couple of days that should have been done a long time ago. I made an appointment with a new doctor for two weeks from now to manage my health a little better. This is a good thing that I need to make happen. I need to get a better handle on my thyroid issues and other problems that have been plaguing my every day function lately.

I started working on assignments that require more of me, but that pay me for the effort. This is a tough one because it means I really need to stay focused when I am working. Around here that can be challenging as the days are filled with distraction. I started getting up a little earlier to take advantage of that time before my son is up. Big help.

I also contacted a tax professional regarding what steps I need to take to get back on track. Since 2005 things have been a little crazy with my financial life because of investment losses, job losses and a general change in everything about my life. I need to take hold of this so that I can move forward with my life and remove that looming mess. The road ahead will be complicated and I'll need to take it step by step in order to get through it in one piece, but I can do it.

I've realized over the last few days that I seem to have completely forgotten what I want in life and have been so focused on making money to pay now bills that I haven't moved forward. I did some soul searching in the last few days and decided I still love the same things I once did and I know that when I put my mind and effort into those things I can do them well. I believe that if I put my efforts into how to turn what I love into an income I will do well. It worked in the past when my mind was clear.

Things that I love include:

Writing children's stories
Investing in real estate
Educating others on these topics
List making (shocking I know)
Taking photographs
Cooking
Travel
Hiking and enjoying the outdoors

Now I just need to manage to find parts of this list that will help me in my business and put them into action. Stop thinking and analyzing and thinking some more and move it.

As my friend Jennifer Uhl from Change My Stars said to me recently, "make change or shut up about it."

Day Five - Time Escapes Me

So as Jennifer Uhl of Change My Stars and I work through our 90 Day Goal Challenge, I am realizing how easily time and other things in my life seem to escape me. This is obviously not productive and I'm not clear yet on how to make adjustments to keep from derailing myself. Most of the tasks or items that come up that help with time consumption are necessary, albeit unexpected. I need to learn to adjust on the fly so that I am not only accomplishing those unexpected tasks, but also staying on track with my planned goals for the day.

Yesterday was Day Five and I am writing this post a day late. Seems to be a trend of late. I have only one thing to say about yesterday, organization and coordination are things that I need to work on so that I can adjust when there is an unexpected factor thrown into the mix. While I multi-task well, it seems that I hyper-focus on goals as well. This means that when a new goal or task interjects into my plan, all else goes out the window while I focus on it.

Adjustment in goals:

Find the energy and strength to push through with original goals when blindsided by life.

Until next time, what are your goals for the future and how do you plan to reach them? What are you waiting for?

Day Four - The Rabbit Hole

Day 4 of the 90 Day Goal Challenge is wrapping up. I failed to keep up with things yesterday when I wasn't feeling well and never got my post for the day. Sorry for anyone following the status of this project. Yesterday was not overly productive and ended chaos.

Today, I felt much like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Things have been a dizzying array of frustrating tasks, few of which provided me with any personal satisfaction or momentum. I spent much of my day helping a grandparent to get her bills, taxes and other things in order. This didn't leave me much time to spend on my own goals. This said, there have been some organizational tasks dealt with today and I got a few of my own financial issues pointed in the right direction. I did not, however, bring home the bacon as they say. Relative to writing goals for the day, today so far has been an "epic fail" in the words of my 14 year old daughter.

Tomorrow I plan to stay on point and follow a list, which will include a fair sized grocery shopping trip. This is a time consuming process and will take a good part of the day because I intend to do so as an avid couponer, but it will be well worth the effort and will layout the foundation for getting more done. Multiple trips to the grocery can be taxing and expensive.

So, in summary, I feel as though the day has gotten away from me and I am going to work hard to turn the remainder of the week around. Wish me luck and stay tuned.