Sunday, March 23, 2014

Day Twenty Three - Seaweed Again

This has been one of the more difficult days for me emotionally. I have found it hard to focus (though I did get some work done) and hard to manage the many emotions that I juggle every day. I'm not talking about my emotions. I'm talking about keeping the peace among the many family members that seem to be overflowing with emotions every day. I find that I am constantly trying to "keep the peace" and make everyone happy for the day. While this might serve to help everyone manage their day and often is necessary in our current living arrangements, I find that serves me no personal satisfaction whatsoever and only serves to increase my anxiety level.

That said, I find that the evenings are what I look forward to the very most. And yet, there doesn't seem to be much peace there any longer. By the time I finally get to drop dead at night, I don't feel accomplished. In fact, I find that I am in the same situation as I was the day before, but more frustrated because I know it. This is not to say I don't make headway with finding writing gigs and getting the job done. It just means I find very little pleasure in my daily tasks and often forget why I started to write in the first place.

On an up note, although I have not used a scale, I find that I have lost some weight and am more comfortable with my physical feeling. This should be huge for me and is feeling better, however, I still feel like I have lost myself among the mess of life and the chaos and wonder if I will ever find the surface again. There seems to be little time in my day among the many needs of others for me to make much stride toward the surface, like I get caught up in the seaweed along the way every time.

The look in my son's eyes when he watches a movie or plays with the dog is something I can't get past and it is why I.. do it all again, every day. While my 14 year old daughter is giving me a run for my money and is nothing like the child I knew a few years ago, she too is reason enough for me to attempt to move forward every day, even knowing I'm not making much stride forward.

So, hereon day number twenty three of my Goal Challenge, I feel... less than satisfied and exhausted. Tomorrow brings with it a new set of challenges and maybe, if I am lucky, a new set of options. I'll sleep, if I can, and wait for a new day and a new chance to "make change."

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Day Eighteen - Big Plans

Day Eighteen was long and taxing with not as much productivity as I would have liked. Along with dealing with a few unavoidable appointments tomorrow, there are several things I will be accomplishing from the day.

1.  Earn at least $100 for the day.
2.  Write the text for my children's book.
3.  Start a sketch that includes all of the characters for the book.
4.  Update my comprehensive list of writing hubs and their related information.
5.  Update profiles on the many writing hubs that I am already affiliated with.
6.  Compile a list of potential writing hubs I want to sign on with or investigate.
7.  Create a list of all print opportunities and magazines I would like to send samples to.

These are all of the work related goals I have for tomorrow. There are some other goals relating to learning patience with my children and organizing my weeks a little better.

All in all, there is a great deal to do and not much day to accomplish it in. I guess I better get some sleep.  

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Day Fifteen - Acceptance

So, today started out the same as usual, me wanting to accomplish a large list of things to move forward and make money. But it also started with a throbbing pain in my hand that threatened to make it hard to make my milestones. So what did I do, showered of course. Clearing the cobwebs was essential. The things I accomplished today began by taking on a writing assignment that was a mental roadblock for me. One of those things that you just simply can't move past. Well, I moved past it. Yay for me!

The next thing that I tackled was the mess that surrounds me everyday and derails my focus. I sit at a dining room table and have to relocate everything at dinner time every night and replace it all in the morning. while this is acceptable it can also be a little daunting. So, I cleared out things that didn't need to be here to simplify my world just a little.

I then tackled trying to get my couponing binder in some kind of order, if only to remove all of the dead material, print new dividers and an index and start to print some coupons I will be needing next week. Unfortunately, the new printer I finally gave in and bought a few weeks ago (I love it) ran out of ink. Another moment when I realized how badly I procrastinate. I knew it only came with a small ink cartridge to encourage people to buy more, and intended to do just that getting the extra long yielding cartridges. Did I? No, no I did not. So now I am faced with no ink and having a teenager that needs to catch up on homework over the weekend for which she needs the printer!

So, what I have learned from today is that I have to take the small successes and try to improve on where I fall down. Running out of ink wasn't where I fell. Purchasing the ink when I could afford it and fully intended to was where I fell down.

Though the day is not complete, I am about to tackle dinner and am looking forward to enjoying a meal with the kids. I think I'll let someone else make the extra trip to the kitchen tonight.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Day Fourteen - Small Blessings

Well, here I am on Day Fourteen and I am a little disappointed with my standing as of today. This was a day that started of slowly with achy joints and muscles and a headache. A slow start physically meant a slow start mentally. It also meant getting very little real work done for the day. I did manage to fit in some errands and getting groceries. Even that wasn't as satisfying as it should have been because I did very little couponing. 

By dinner time I had run out of day, but still had plenty of items on my intended task list to complete. Arguing with my teenage daughter and trying to get my suddenly rebellious five year old boy to "chill out" where challenges that all met with my losing. The final straw of my day was when I was running around trying to do five hundred things as usual and tripped slamming my hand into a hard door jam. My first instinct from the pain I was feeling and from the feeling that it just was all wrong, was to run for ice and remove my ring on that hand before it got stuck there. I refused to even look at the hand because I was terrified that I would find it a total mess. Instead I threw a frozen bag of chopped green pepper on it and looked away. Tears came, part from pain and part from the panic that if it was broken I would find myself in a huge mess being unable to write or bring in an income. 

After some time I finally looked. Swollen, some shade of blue and a little odd. Painful to bend, but pretty sure not broken. Most importantly, though painful, I can move it to type. Small blessings. 

So, in closing for the day, I'm exhausted and feeling a little beat up by the day. However, I am ready to take on tomorrow. Until then, I hope anyone reading has a great night. 

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Checking the Task List

As my friend pointed out, I'm six days late writing my blog posts. I am inexcusably easily distracted and that is something I need to work on. So, to anyone that is reading, I apologize for falling down on the job and not getting the posting done.

I have new things to report today that are a big step forward in getting where I need to go. I accomplished a couple of things in the last couple of days that should have been done a long time ago. I made an appointment with a new doctor for two weeks from now to manage my health a little better. This is a good thing that I need to make happen. I need to get a better handle on my thyroid issues and other problems that have been plaguing my every day function lately.

I started working on assignments that require more of me, but that pay me for the effort. This is a tough one because it means I really need to stay focused when I am working. Around here that can be challenging as the days are filled with distraction. I started getting up a little earlier to take advantage of that time before my son is up. Big help.

I also contacted a tax professional regarding what steps I need to take to get back on track. Since 2005 things have been a little crazy with my financial life because of investment losses, job losses and a general change in everything about my life. I need to take hold of this so that I can move forward with my life and remove that looming mess. The road ahead will be complicated and I'll need to take it step by step in order to get through it in one piece, but I can do it.

I've realized over the last few days that I seem to have completely forgotten what I want in life and have been so focused on making money to pay now bills that I haven't moved forward. I did some soul searching in the last few days and decided I still love the same things I once did and I know that when I put my mind and effort into those things I can do them well. I believe that if I put my efforts into how to turn what I love into an income I will do well. It worked in the past when my mind was clear.

Things that I love include:

Writing children's stories
Investing in real estate
Educating others on these topics
List making (shocking I know)
Taking photographs
Hiking and enjoying the outdoors

Now I just need to manage to find parts of this list that will help me in my business and put them into action. Stop thinking and analyzing and thinking some more and move it.

As my friend Jennifer Uhl from Change My Stars said to me recently, "make change or shut up about it."

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Day Five - Time Escapes Me

So as Jennifer Uhl of Change My Stars and I work through our 90 Day Goal Challenge, I am realizing how easily time and other things in my life seem to escape me. This is obviously not productive and I'm not clear yet on how to make adjustments to keep from derailing myself. Most of the tasks or items that come up that help with time consumption are necessary, albeit unexpected. I need to learn to adjust on the fly so that I am not only accomplishing those unexpected tasks, but also staying on track with my planned goals for the day.

Yesterday was Day Five and I am writing this post a day late. Seems to be a trend of late. I have only one thing to say about yesterday, organization and coordination are things that I need to work on so that I can adjust when there is an unexpected factor thrown into the mix. While I multi-task well, it seems that I hyper-focus on goals as well. This means that when a new goal or task interjects into my plan, all else goes out the window while I focus on it.

Adjustment in goals:

Find the energy and strength to push through with original goals when blindsided by life.

Until next time, what are your goals for the future and how do you plan to reach them? What are you waiting for?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Day Four - The Rabbit Hole

Day 4 of the 90 Day Goal Challenge is wrapping up. I failed to keep up with things yesterday when I wasn't feeling well and never got my post for the day. Sorry for anyone following the status of this project. Yesterday was not overly productive and ended chaos.

Today, I felt much like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Things have been a dizzying array of frustrating tasks, few of which provided me with any personal satisfaction or momentum. I spent much of my day helping a grandparent to get her bills, taxes and other things in order. This didn't leave me much time to spend on my own goals. This said, there have been some organizational tasks dealt with today and I got a few of my own financial issues pointed in the right direction. I did not, however, bring home the bacon as they say. Relative to writing goals for the day, today so far has been an "epic fail" in the words of my 14 year old daughter.

Tomorrow I plan to stay on point and follow a list, which will include a fair sized grocery shopping trip. This is a time consuming process and will take a good part of the day because I intend to do so as an avid couponer, but it will be well worth the effort and will layout the foundation for getting more done. Multiple trips to the grocery can be taxing and expensive.

So, in summary, I feel as though the day has gotten away from me and I am going to work hard to turn the remainder of the week around. Wish me luck and stay tuned.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Realizing the Hurdles

The power of accountability is unmatched when it comes to taking action. Here we are on day 2 of our 90 Day Goal Challenge. So far I have done the exercises I agreed to do and I'm working on my blog posting. I have work set up for the day and I'm fully ready to jump in. Now, if I could just get my brain and body to work with the part of my soul that is motivated to make it happen!

One thing that I'm realizing as we jump into this challenge is that I truly am the type of person that must have organization and a task list to accomplish the goal. While I love being free spirited and doing things on a whim, there is something to be said for list making. I am a 'list checker' and it is the only way I accomplish goals. This said, I'm going to develop a solid list today that I can check off regularly.

I have found that I am a very organized person, for everyone except me. I was a paralegal for many years; a job requiring organization. I have a few factors that I need to deal with in this challenge, that are only things that need to be considered, but should not be factors that stop me at all. I have adult ADD, which contributes to the many ways that I derail my own success. I know this, and I simply have to use this to my advantage when working toward my goals. I know there are positives in having ADD and I just have to utilize these creative abilities and insane need to multi-task to my advantage.

My weight, exhaustion, aches and pains and many other symptoms that make reaching my goals problematic, develop from thyroid disease. This is not a new issue to deal with, it just seems to have evolved into a bigger hill for me than in younger years. Education seems to be the best way for me to climb this mountain successfully. I will continue to learn and evolve to deal with the issues at hand.

There are a large number of hurdles related to my financial situation and I have to take them on one at a time. This begins with taking control of my work and creating a financial security for my family that will keep me from making the same mistakes that got us here.

All in all, there is a great deal to do, even in the 90 days ahead. One day at a time and a well developed plan, are the only way to get from point A to point B here. On with day 2 of this journey. I wonder how my partner in this challenge, Jennifer Uhl of Change My Stars, is doing so far today.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Every year people make New Year's resolutions that they fully intend to stick to. Unfortunately, most of us fail to keep up with these well intended sentiments and fall behind. The date is March 1, 2014 and I am going to try something a little different. I am going to make action out of intention and set some goals with another lost soul on the path of change, Jennifer Uhl of Change My Stars.

We are setting out on our 90 Day Goal Challenge and plan to take actions to make changes each day. The only requirement of our challenge is that we blog each day about our challenge. So consider this my first blog on the first day of our 90 Day Goal Challenge. While I might slip along the way, or I may find road blocks that prevent me from reaching my goals in the time allotted, I plan to diligently pursue taking action toward my goals each day. Here are my goals for this challenge:

1.  Reach a weight that makes me comfortable in my own skin.
2.  Improve my business and thus my finances.
3.  Put my truck back on the road.
4.  Finish writing and publishing one book.
5.  Put money into savings.

Anyone want to see how I do? Come on, follow me on my journey. Set a goal challenge of your own up!

Parenting Perspective

While we all love my children more than words can express, there are times when you simply have to take a step back and think about yourself for a little while. I recently went on my second date in 6 years with my husband. It was a good way to connect and to remember what we are all about. As parents who love their children and want to do the best we can for them at all times, it is easy to forget our own personality and take on the strict role of being a parent. I no longer have things that I "do in my spare time for fun." I don't seem to remember what it is that I love to do just because I want to do it. I think that this can add to the fuel of stress that is in everyday life as a parent.

So readers, this is my advice to every parent out there, whether you are a single parent, the parent of one or a parent of six children who you love dearly. Take a break. Find yourself and your partner. You will not only be doing yourself a favor, but you will also be bringing something to the table of parenthood that you might have left behind; passion. If you work for yourself and work from home, this is ten times as important. Love them enough to get some distance.